As we gradually pivot from blockchain news reporting to cannabidiol induced musings on the future of humanity, let’s see how quickly I can knock out the relevant stories we HORs have nothing else to say about: 

• In the shark jumping moment of TIME Magazine’s bizarre bid for relevance, Elon Musk was named the 2021 Person of the Year. Next up: Logan Roy. 
   
• Kickstarter is moving to blockchain. They plan to build a Web3-based sister service first, before eventually moving full operations onto the infrastructure. Since PFP rugpulls are the new Kobe beef jerky heists, it is a logical pivot. 
   
• Avenged Sevenfold are not the crypto evangelists we wanted, but the ones we deserved. If the simulation glitches continue to intensify, we might land Nickelback by 2022. 
   
• John Lennon’s son is also really into NFT art, specifically of the necrophiliac fetish porn variety. Get back, JoJo. Get back to where you once belonged.