For months now, Fantastic Beasts and maybe (but probably not) Flash actor Ezra Miller has been terrorizing Hawai’i like an upper-addled Stitch. Whether declaring themselves a messiah and threatening to ‘kill the KKK’ in unhinged Instagram rants or spitting on Nazis and hurling chairs at women, they’ve managed to write themselves a starring role in the wildest movie imaginable, despite effectively tanking their chances of being cast in an actual movie ever again. But only now, with their most recent arrest, has their true motivation become clear: it is, indeed, all an act. For an ‘NFT crypto art’ film, to be exact. 

Why is this news? Well, it’s not, but neither is anything else we cover here, so what’s new? Rather, we couldn’t pass up highlighting Ezra’s Oscar-worthy performance of the archetypical crypto degen, before we do our own half-assed impersonation, once again. On Ezra’s behalf, we’d like to thank the Academy, God, and the lovely therapy staff at Arkham Asylum whose calls we should probably start returning when we get back to the mainland. In the meantime, back to our regularly scheduled programming of our own unhinged rants.