Metaverse discourse is so — for lack of a better word — meta. It’s hard to keep up. Let’s all be thankful, then, that I get paid to put in the work to make it easier for you. Here’s some speed dating on what the kids these days are saying about NFTs, so you don’t have to hear it from them firsthand. (I know you hate to.)

• Nike’s joining Meta and Microsoft in the VR game. Or so say the Internet sleuths, on finding that the brand has filed trademark applications for their signature phrase and Swoosh. It’s been a second since I’ve been in school, but I guess the only thing cooler than $100 of leather clout is 24 pixels worth of it.
  
  
• Some guy who achieved vague Twitter fame for owning a CryptoPunk cried NFT burnout. Long story short, he went to NFT.NYC and found reality to be less pretty than the PFPs. A bunch of high tech gamblers and Internet celebs are teeming with insecurities? Oh my stars! But the message is pure. Spend your hard earned ETH on a therapist. Everyone could stand to benefit. 
   
• Greg Isenberg is a self-professed ‘Reddit advisor’ (whatever the fuck that means) who thinks NFTs will forever change… the hiring process. His argument is logically sound, albeit built around the assumption that the future of proving your qualifications will be based on blockchain games. At a certain point I’d have more fun playing Madlibs than reporting these true stories. 
   
• Discord’s CEO hinted at crypto wallet integration. Crypto skeptics threatened to boycott. Degens with a decentralization fetish mourned adoption by a Web 2.0 giant. But considering that Discord servers and the extent of DAO use cases in 2021 are one and the same, I’d say this is little more than an inevitability.
   
• Indonesia’s top religious council forbid Muslims from trading crypto. I find it hard to blame them. In my limited experience, the blockchain is a lot of things, but godly is absolutely not one of them. 

In even less newsworthy news, here’s a tweet to sum up my feelings on the whole thing. I’m a young millennial with the soul of a grumpy old man living in a cabin in the woods. If I couldn’t handle the Poptropica economy, I’m gonna have trouble with the Metaverse. But I’m hanging in there for you.