NFTs, explained to a (9)5 year old

Casimir Stone
June 7, 2022

Culture H0R is entering the meatspace. Tomorrow, our very own El Prof will venture onto daytime network television to shill NFTs to househusbands and retirees. Don’t ask us how we’re qualified — we still don’t know. But we will happily subject you to our messaging regardless. So, if your grandma saw a confident white guy delivering the following script in between General Hospitals reruns, would she invest in crypto?

NFTs sound more intimidating than they are. It stands for non-fungible token, which is just software engineer speak for a unique identifier on a blockchain database. The blockchain is a cloud-based transaction log. You pay using crypto tokens. You’re paying, for the most part, to use and access NFTs. 

You can think of an NFT like a serial number, or your social security. It’s a bunch of characters used to classify something unique, but in this case, it’s a piece of digital information. In other words, an NFT is a receipt, a way to prove you ‘own’ something online. 

NFTs have been used to sell artwork, membership, music, writing, social media posts, even memes. They are an important part of many modern startups’ strategies. But we believe, in the long term, they could be far more impactful for small businesses.

In theory, NFTs can also be used to secure ownership of data. This would force big tech software companies to rethink the way they do business. No more shady privacy policies or profiting off your personal information. NFTs could put the governance of your data back in your hands. Not only could this save you money on software-related expenses — we believe future companies may even pay you for your business’ data.

For any small business owners out there, you should be excited at the prospect of NFTs. And to any entrepreneurs working in software specifically, I’d direct the question back to you: How might a shift in control over data affect your business model?

Lmk. But, like, seriously. It’s one thing to come off as jackasses in front of all y’all. The 50-64 demographic of the greater New Orleans area is a whole other thing. 

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